Leaving a Psychopath, Sociopath or Narcissist
If you have come to the conclusion that you are entrenched in an abusive (physical or emotional) relationship, then you have two paths to choose from. You can leave your abuser, or you can stay, living alongside the disorder and their abusive tendencies. There is no in-between. Years of scientific data prove there is no recovery for a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath. No, you cannot save him/her from themselves.
If you choose to leave, then the first step is to seek therapy for yourself, not your partner, and not as a couple. From this point forward, self-care should be your priority. Give yourself the time, space and professional counseling you need to break away from the deadly cycle that you now endure. As you climb out of hollow ground, you will realize how vital self-care is in your own recovery.
Do your best to find a therapist who challenges you to think more about your own rehabilitation rather than your partners’ disorder. Invest fully in your counseling sessions. Remember, you are there to identify who you are, so you will never land in this toxic jungle again.
Knowledge is Power. Ask your therapist to recommend audio, articles, and books on abuse. Research the clinical data on mental illness and personality disorders. It is here where you will begin to understand what your next steps should be. Avoid seeking therapy to "change your partners' behavior." Let this time be about YOU. Your life, your issues, and your future.
Before ending my relationship, I found it helpful to build a village around me first. I chose to begin therapy before the chaos of leaving erupted; paying for sessions in cash so as not to leave a “therapy trail.” I was so emotionally drained from the relationship that I couldn’t think straight on any given day. Taking baby steps, I dredged up the courage to speak privately to loved ones. It shook me to the core to admit the truth; that my marriage was a lie. I began to see that my silence had helped my partner to hide his mean streak while my sense of self plummeted to dangerous levels. Speaking out helped to lift the veil of shame as my personal power quietly gained momentum. I wasn’t looking to oust my husband or inflate my righteousness. I sincerely wanted to step away safely from the abuse and never repeat the cycle again. To achieve that goal, I had to heal myself honestly.
Be strategic during the healing phase. Do not enlighten your partner with your new-found knowledge on his disorder or the possible change in the status of your relationship, for this can lead to a high-level and dangerous conflict. People with these disorders do not want you to strengthen your regime. Happiness, relief, love, and healing are waiting for you along your path. Be the warrior. Be your own hero. You’ve got this.
Leave the light on my friends, and from there you will find you.
Peace,
Stella