Who the Hell Do You Think You Are?

Over time, you’ve become accustomed to being told of your flaws. You are either not enough for him or too much work. In his eye's you've never been "just right" which does not make for a flattering self-reflection. Instead of seeing your beauty in the mirror, you see extra skin from the births of your babies, blemishes on your skin, and new wrinkles where a smile used to live.

You have lost count of the number of times he mentions every bill he has paid, the lovely home in which you live, the vacations the two of you have taken, the ease of your lifestyle. He fails to recall his habit of threatening to cut you off emotionally and financially in heated moments. "Ours" becomes "his" during a disagreement. Promises of fidelity melt away for the moment. On the days you stand tall in defense of yourself, you hear the whispered words from your partner, "Who the hell do you think you are?"

When peace falls upon your home once more, he is apologetic, offering back to you the "privileges" he had threatened to take away earlier. He gives love, support, and materialistic things easily, but he takes them away swiftly, which is never a safe way for a woman to live. Even if he doesn't follow through, these passive aggressive threats show he has the potential to strip away your presence on an angry whim. His excuses for such treatment show he is delusional about his worth. His comment, "No one has ever treated you better than I have." lingers in your mind.

And so you continue to build your internal wall for protection while he keeps asking why you are so distant, inviting you to a weekend getaway to the destination of your choice. You stay silent because it is easier than participating in another discussion that will end up being your fault. Deep down, every woman in this situation eventually realizes she is not in a partnership. She is alone.

And so, the self-discovery begins. She withdraws into herself, diving deep to cleanse her mind and her soul. She reads, contemplates, meditates, manages her busy life and starts to recognize that she is far more than he understands. Slowly, at her own pace, she begins to rise. It is unnoticeable at first. She starts to like what she see’s in the mirror. Her brain is sending her positive messages again. Her smile is returning. She is taking back her power. Her backbone is now where her wishbone used to be. She has learned the hard lesson that she should not allow someone to be her priority when he views her as an option.

Peace, Stella ~ Author of Hollow Ground